Sunday, April 27, 2003
Mango
Mango is the best fruit in the world. There, I said it... and I'm not ashamed. I cry my love of mango to the heavens, sing its juicy, orange-fleshed praises. Oh sweet nectar, thou runnest down my chin in rivulets and I do smile.
Mangos are becoming ever cheaper and more abundant in the past couple of years. Obviously people in America are begining to see the mango as I do: as a soft, yet firm, slightly slimy but tangy thing of beauty. It's more than just a symbol for madness in Apocalypse Now.
So why is it that this ambrosia, while more popular than ever, will never achieve the popularity of other tropical fruits such as banana or pineapple? The reasons are twofold:
1. Americans don't like mess, and mangoes are messy. You can't just bite into them, you have to cut them open to get past the leathery skin. Then the juice runs down the knife and down your hand then wrist where it pools at your elbow. Then you find yourself licking your own elbow, which is neither comfortable nor dignified. Contrast this with the banana which is dry, comes in an easy open package designed by 3-M and slides confortably into the mouth... much like a penis. Is it any wonder Americans love thier bananas?
2. Mangoes don't travel well. You have to cradle a mango in fluffy pillows, or else it'll be pulp by the time you jab it with a knife. Contrast this with the pineapple. In its natural state, the pineapple is an armored cudgel covered in spikes, thorns and horny protrusions. Of course most Americans eat pineapple from the can (itself a sacriledge: because fresh pineapple, while not a great as the mango, contains flavors and subtlety that are destroyed in processing), which is the ultimate convienience and saves them from having to do battle with the wily uncut pineapple. Mongoes on the other hand can not be canned without losing thier essential mango-ness. Canned mango is no longer fruit, it is chutney.
In conclusion, cherish the mango.
